In the Philippines, losing one’s virginity for Filipinas (also otherwise known as Pilipinas or Pinays) is extremely associated with the nation’s culture. Losing your virginity outside the context of marriage has been highly regarded as a violation of the norm and traditions being imposed by the long-lived Philippine culture, and sadly, some (Filipinas) even felt like it is a stigma to them – a total humiliation!
In a conservative country like the Philippines, family is considered as sacred, and the sanctity of marriage tops the concerns. If in the event a young Filipina has been found out to have lost her virginity even before marrying her husband, her friends, the society and even her family will condemn her. Even if it was lost through a very frustrating and shameful way, like for example, she was raped or was abused. I totally agree that this isn’t fair, but for a society built by traditions and customs, there is no escape, even if you were the victim!
I personally know someone who has been abused by her own father. She never had the courage to tell anybody about the abuse thinking that she will only hear insults and worse, that she would be blamed for what had happened to her. She even thought of ending her life just to escape from the truth that she has lost her virginity in the hands of his father, and by hearing this I realized, is it really a big deal? I mean, is virginity everything? Yes, she was raped, but it’s not the end of the world for her. There are still greater issues for her to be concerned about; her child, her family, her friends and all those people who treat her with dignity and concern. I know I might sound so hypocrite, I know I am not in the position to tell her what to do and what to feel, for I never felt the pain and the anguish out from it but I am just saying this as a friend, who loves her no matter what.
I happened to have read articles on the internet discussing about sex and virginity and I honestly found some of them so judgmental and irrational. I am a girl, living in a conservative nation, but it doesn’t mean that I view things as to what the norm of the society wants me to perceive it. I believe in the sacredness of marriage and the responsibilities accompanied by it. However, I totally disagree about the notion that women are valued more just because they are pure or “virgin”. I think there is a great disregard and disrespect in the rights of women in this sense.
In my judgment, one of the foulest and most pointless questions that can be asked is, “Are you a virgin?” I personally find the question disgusting, though I know many of you will disagree with me. The point is, this question is far, far too private and frank to ever be asked to a lady. If in case she answers, she’ll most likely either lie or evade answering the question. So what good will the question does to you?
In a very simple way, anything and everything may be lost in an instant, by choice or by force, and this includes life, possessions, and virginity. It is, in my opinion, exceptionally pointless and naive to think that a non-virgin is any less worthy as a person who deserves to love and be loved than a virgin. And it is foolish to ask such question to any girl; if you’re a man, you may well be disqualifying yourself from consideration by merely asking it. How do you think a question like that makes you look? What if you were the one being asked by such an irrelevant question, and a girl asked you inquiring as to your “sizes” south of the belt buckle? Would it mean that you would “qualify” as a good husband or partner if you meet the lady’s requirements? Better think about it!
Unquestionably, virginity is to be cherished, and there’s nothing erroneous about desiring to marry a virgin man or woman. My point is that, it is wrong to either pick or exclude anyone based on that one principle, and that in simply asking such question; you will perhaps disqualify yourself as a probable mate for many wonderful and amazing women who will view you as arrogant and disrespectful. You will also most likely hurt the feelings of many innocent individuals who do not wish, neither deserve, your judgment.
If a man would ask me on what can I suggest, I would probably say “be a gentleman” and omit any inquiries with regards to a woman’s sexual history or preferences. Skip it, don’t mind asking it, and let it go. There are yet more essential things for you to discuss with her. In as much as you want a lady, you should suppose that a true lady is longing for of a gentleman. And as what has been said, a gentleman wouldn’t dare ask a woman about her sexual appetites.